I haven’t been posting much lately because to sum everything up.. this has been a busy week. Had projects due all last week, got my new phone on saturday which I LOVE LOVE LOVE, had to move out before monday out of my apt.. I hated every minute of leaving that place.. im going to miss it, My room here at my house is still not together because i’ve been busy, had finals to do for this week, looking/making appointments for house viewing with my real estate agent, picked up Dom’s cousin Ashley aka Deleware from the airport, work.. and im still not done.. oh and they cancelled summer school for our campus only… fcking arnold.. of everything.. you cut education.. really? I don’t know.. I need to fix my room and get ready for work.
speaking of bee’s. LOL.. i really like this commercial
I should be doing my projects that are due, but you know what? Eff it. Don’t worry I’ll get them done; I just want to talk about something else right now. What is love anymore? Or like? Whichever you would prefer to address. Seriously, I had this conversation with nel and I’m starting to believe that this whole “talking” dance is ridiculous. Whatever happened to being honest? It’s so hard to be honest nowadays about how you really feel about someone because of the fear of giving them too much and it leading to them losing interest. Does everything have to be a game? Or better yet, the enjoyment of the “chase”? Lets play the whole “I’m interested and act like I’m not interested” shall we? I’m not going to front and say that I’ve never played along, but the shit gets old. Why waste time? Be YOU and be REAL. Yes, I know. I do need to take my own advice, but it takes two and for sure it’s hard because there are so many different circumstances you have to consider. Nobody said it was going to be easy. I don’t think it’s our fault though. I think over time, we have just grown accustomed to this. We put this front because we’re scared of getting let down or rejected, but in actuality, it leads to self destruction. I’ve gotten used to acting this way, and I’m somewhat disgusted. When did I lose me? When did I forget how to be real? I’ve played for so long that I can’t really distinguish when I’m doing it or not. I really need to get back to basics and forget about past experiences (the reason why I’m somewhat safeguarded).
Another thing, I always hear that I’m this and that, and that I’m too picky. To be honest, aren’t I supposed to be picky? I mean, if I do talk to someone and actually try to get involved; shouldn’t I talk to someone who I truly want to spend my time with? You know what? It’s not that I’m picky at all, it’s more along the lines of I HAVE to “know” before going on with anything. I’m sure this is not just me who thinks this way, but if I am, oh well. The feeling has to be instant. You know that spark. I don’t know, I just know that it has to be there. I need to have that feeling of “knowing” or even better the “butterflies”. This is a scary feeling because, if you’re me, you don’t get this too often and when it comes around, you run the risk of not getting what you want. That’s life though. You know what though? I respect people who just go for it and actually have success with it. I believe everything happens for a reason, but I also believe in Karma. I’ve had my fair share passing up or turning down, and for some reason, I feel like it’s my turn. Do I deserve it? I don’t know, but it wasn’t because I was trying to be a jerk, I just wasn’t feelin them. Oh well, right? Right now, I am looking, but not really LOOKING; if that makes any sense. If it comes my way, who knows. I’m more compulsive if anything when it comes to feelings, it’s just the way I am. We’ll see how this goes.
Can I get a reset?
Take this how you like. This is my thoughts.
*It’s Nel crashing Awskert’s tumblr, since I have none of my own. I had a few cents to share on this topic, so 1-2-3 and away we go!.. (my bad didn’t mean to rhyme, HA)
So I’m just going to jump right into the topic of “love” and/or “relationships”, since Awskert already introduced it perfectly.. Anyway, after reading his entry, it just made me wonder how people are and how different people deal with things. I know we’ve all been through our share of pain and disappointments, and it’s no wonder why people create walls that are miles high.. but (pardon my lack of censory) shit happens. I think that it was easier for us to define love when we were younger, when we didn’t know, and when our definition of it was exactly what we made it out to be. Now, with memories and experience to kick that orignial definition out of our mind, all we’re stuck with is a bandage or glued up heart that is trying to re-define what it thought it knew. It can be quite exhausting, and not to mention scary. But hey, that’s life, and I’ve always believed that people already have their answers.. sometimes it just takes a little more effort to figure it out. Trust me, it’s there.. it’s that little voice in your head telling you exactly what you need to hear. But I guess what I mostly want to say is that when it comes to love (and just about anything else in life) learn to embrace it, but also learn when to let go. Other than that, nothing’s guaranteed.. so you just work on you, and everything else will fall into place. (But like I said, you already knew that).